Unattainable intensive parenting

Translation Marko saajanaho image sari muhonen

The ideal of intensive parenting is based on a solid financial position and fails to recognise the different situations of different families. It is tied to the middle-class concept of everyday life and the opportunities parents have. Poverty-aware social work calls attention to, for example, assumptions related to poverty and the method of producing information.

What are we talking about when we talk about poverty? Who produces the information and what assumptions is that information production based on? Poverty awareness is needed when working with people in different life situations.

Studies are unanimous about the idea that the ideal pertaining to parenthood can be described with the term “intensive parenting”. Summed up, intensive parenting means that parenting, child-rearing, and childcare are subject to normative expectations and notions based on expert information.

Intensive parenting means that parenting, child-rearing, and childcare are subject to normative expectations and notions based on expert information.

This information accumulates continuously and may be conflicting. Notions of intensive parenting can be observed in public discourse and guide ideas of what “right” and “good” parenting should be. These also extend to ideas about everyday life and what it should be – or at last what it should appear to be.

Crucial to intensive parenting is the idea of it being an individualised process that requires constant reflection on and weighing of information. Parenting requires skills, strategies, and knowledge.

The notion of intensive parenting is harsh; it emphasises the right choices made by parents and is based on deterministic ideas about the significance of early childhood to later life, far into adulthood. There is a problem related to this, as even structural factors may be shrunk down into a question about a choice made by an individual or a family, and options may be seen even if there are not necessarily any. For example, the reality to many parents is that the terms of a salaried job cannot be decided or dictated according to their needs.

Gendered ideal, blind to gender diversity

The ideal of intensive parenting does not consider the diversity of families, parents and life situations, such as differences and inequalities related to education or financial situation. It is based on a one-sided perception of actions that belong in everyday life, such as work that guarantees adequate livelihood, active free time, and opportunities to spend money as needed.

In addition, it adheres primarily to options available to middle-class parents, as well as their values and attitudes. Despite this blindness, the ideal has been widely adopted and forms a picture of the kind of parenting to strive for, regardless of available resources, life as a whole, or the environmental context of daily life.

Normative expectations placed on parenting particularly affect mothers because they still regularly play a central role in childcare and child-rearing, both in Finland and in other countries. Mothers are coordinators and carers. Thus, mothers should take special care to ensure their children’s wellbeing by taking current expert information into account, because “inadequate” or “bad” motherhood may weaken the child’s chances to succeed in the future.

There is a paradox in the ideal of intensive parenting. Even most middle-class parents are unable to attain it.

There is a paradox in the ideal of intensive parenting. Even most middle-class parents are unable to attain it. The ideal of parenting is like a mirage, ever escaping, an oasis in a blurry haze. The mirage may even be pursued to the point of exhaustion and regret over motherhood.

Poverty and the ideal of intensive parenting

Poverty is relational, meaning it is bonded and actualised in relationships. Poverty may mean the lack of power and experiences of otherness, inferiority, or humiliation. Poverty may mean the feeling of not belonging to society and limits one’s options – or the idea of what one considers possible. The following excerpt describes the continuing stigma and negative perceptions of poverty:

“[…] I have often found that poverty or low income being brought up in conversations and encounters is uncomfortable and repugnant, strange and shabby, unknown. A very poor topic for conversation.” This is an excerpt from the Everyday Experiences of Poverty: Self-Administered Writings 2019 materials.

Studies have told us that parents in financially poor life situations do their best to secure a healthy everyday life for their children while e.g., reducing their own spending. Parenting in disadvantaged and poor life situations requires expertise and skills, such as planning and resourcefulness. The extent of resources available to parents to realise these varies case by case.

The opportunities of poverty awareness

In 2020, approximately 114,300 children lived in low-income families. This accounted for roughly eleven percent of all children living in Finland. About nine percent of all families with children received social assistance in 2021, with nearly three percent of all families with children receiving prolonged social assistance.

What makes the situation concerning in terms of social assistance is that despite the fact social assistance is intended as last-resort financial assistance, many families depend on it. We know from the School Health Promotion study that many children and young people consider their family’s financial situation to be bad.

Poverty can be defined in many ways, but regardless of the definition and metric used, it is evident that many families in Finland suffer from poverty and low income despite this not necessarily being recognised. At the start of this year, even the European Committee of Social Rights admonished Finland about its insufficient level of basic social security. Finland has already been admonished about this in 2015 and 2017.

It is evident that many families in Finland suffer from poverty and low income despite this not necessarily being recognised.

Professionals and experts working with families – in social and health services and education, for example – encounter the wide variety of life situations. Expert information pertaining to parenting and families should be examined in a poverty-aware manner.

Poverty-aware social work is a method developed and used by Professor Michal Krumer-Nevo and his group of researchers. The poverty-aware social work paradigm consists of three interlinked areas and using them for parenting-related information would be beneficial. For example, it could highlight the differences in life situations.

Poverty awareness is an important working method because it can help recognise and unpack negative perceptions and practices related to poverty.

Poverty awareness is an important working method because it can help recognise and unpack negative perceptions and practices related to poverty.

An essential part of poverty-aware work is recognising notions of poverty. This is a fundamental starting point. The phenomenon, poverty in this case, is “unpacked” to examine what is being talked about regarding poverty and what perceptions are related to it.

In particular, solving problems requires unpacking the phenomenon and recognising different dimensions in order to avoid reinforcing inequality. For example, we cannot assume a family’s financial issues and poverty are always caused by lack of financial skills or that, in a wider context, everyone living in poverty has the same experiences.

Solving problems requires unpacking the phenomenon and recognising different dimensions in order to avoid reinforcing inequality.

Second, it is important to recognise the notions related to information about the phenomenon: what is considered information, where was the information obtained, and who produced the information. Third, we must examine values and the arguments behind them, what are the goals and what are these goals based on.

Another central part of poverty-aware work is recognising structural factors behind poverty, such as insufficient social security. These structural reasons cannot be reduced to a question or choice at the individual level. However, poverty awareness does not simply mean recognising things. In its core is active involvement and changing behaviour both structurally and in client interaction. Structural work is also needed when working with families.

According to the poverty-aware paradigm, one must also be ready to accept that experts may maintain and reinforce stigmas related to poverty or create discriminatory practices. In Finland, for example, Suvi Krok has reported in her social work dissertation that services ignored single mothers living in poverty. Parenting happens in different life situations.

Parenting happens in different life situations.

Living in poverty may even mean being unable to talk about one’s daily life. One parent described their poverty situation as follows: “The hardest thing about poverty is the fact it’s not socially acceptable. I am not bothered by others going abroad on holiday, but I am bothered by being unable to share my life freely with my neighbours or families of friends.”

This is an excerpt from the Everyday Experiences of Poverty: Self-Administered Writings 2019 materials